Why Active Listening for Parents Matters
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. – Stephen R. Covey This is especially true in families, which is why active listening for parents is such an important skill. I am an adult woman. I am married, I raised two children, and I have a granddaughter. However, there are times when I still need my mom. My mother is turning 95 this year and she is my biggest supporter. I can call her on my worst day and just by hearing my voice she knows something is wrong. At the end of a conversation, her understanding and wisdom makes me feel as though I can conquer the world.
Although my mom cannot hear very well anymore, she has incredible listening skills. Unfortunately, I did not inherit that ability. Like most people, I wait for my turn to speak instead of truly listening. But I always consider myself a work in progress, so I am practicing my active listening skills!
Listening is a skill that can and should be taught. Active listening demonstrates respect, increases knowledge, and builds connection and trust. Whether we are students, parents, teachers, employees, or leaders, it is a skill that benefits everyone.
Communication Challenges in Parenting
Practicing active listening is harder than it sounds, especially when distractions surround us every day. Text messages, emails, phone calls, and TV often pull our attention away. Parents are expected to do it all: school runs, healthy meals, homework, and activities. No matter how parents work, outside the home, remotely, or at home, the demands feel endless. In the middle of it all, we are expected to communicate effectively and be good listeners.
When my kids were younger, we didn’t have the same digital distractions that families face today, but communication was still difficult. During their teenage years, I often felt like they never listened to me. Now that my children are adults, I share advice from my own mistakes. Sometimes they listen, but other times they don’t.
We often tell kids to be better listeners, but as parents and educators, we must show them how to listen. Imagine if today’s kids learned how to tune out distractions and focus on the people around them. If my children had been taught this, they might have listened to me more often.
Learning from My Mother’s Listening Skills
My mother is one of the best examples of what listening looks like. Whether I call her to share successes or failures, I know she will truly hear and understand me. Recently, she helped me through one of the hardest days of my life.
Last year, for the first time in my life, I lost my job during pandemic cutbacks. I was devastated, and I did what I always do when I need advice: I called my mom.
As any mom would, she reminded me how lucky they were to have me. She took the sting out of losing my job! She gave me encouragement, lifted my confidence, and listened. From her, I’ve learned that we need to teach our kids not only how to express feelings, but also how to tune out distractions and listen when others communicate.
Teaching Active Listening for Parents and Kids Through SELENA
Relationship Management is one of the five core topics of Social Emotional Learning Enhancement Application (SELENA), and it teaches active listening. When SELENA is part of a curriculum, students practice listening through fun and engaging activities.
Teaching kids listening skills could benefit future generations, improve communication, and help them as they grow into adulthood. Active listening gives them the ability to build trust, deepen relationships, and truly connect.
If my children had learned these skills earlier, they might have listened more often. But as I remind myself, we are all works in progress. We can practice and improve every day.
Hearing someone speak is not enough; we need to learn to listen.
If you want to learn more about active listening, this NYT article provides additional information.