The Instinct to Protect and the Reality of Unkindness
Teaching kindness to kids starts at home. From the moment we find out we are going to be parents, our instinct is to protect our children. When they are little, it’s easier; we can watch over them constantly. But as they grow, we can’t always be there to fight their battles.
We encourage them to be kind, but what happens when others are unkind? What if your child is the one who bullies? These situations test us. Do we step in, or do we step back? Finding the balance is often trial and error.
Children learn by watching us. When we show kindness and respect in our daily lives, they notice. Adults also play a key role in making kids feel safe at school and encouraging them to speak up when something isn’t right.
Parenting Through Challenges
Becoming a parent brings excitement, nervousness, and the strong urge to shield our kids from harm. I often felt like a lioness protecting her cubs. I wanted to prevent my kids from ever being hurt or disappointed. But reality soon set in: I couldn’t control everything. The first day of school feels joyful and hopeful. We give pep talks, pack lunches, and trust that our children will thrive. Yet, sometimes they come home upset because someone was mean to them. The truth is, not everyone is kind. There are many reasons why children bully, jealousy, unhappiness, or struggles at home. No matter the cause, we must validate the victim’s feelings and teach empathy to both children: the one who was hurt and the one who caused the hurt. Listening, supporting, and involving teachers are important steps. Even as kids grow into adults, the instinct to protect never fades. I’ve wanted to step in when car dealers tried to take advantage of my son or when my daughter’s manager mistreated her. Sometimes, I held back. Other times, I spoke up when asked. That protective instinct never leaves.Bullying Beyond Childhood: Why Teaching Kindness Matters at Every Age
Bullying doesn’t end in childhood. I experienced it myself at work, from a manager in her 40s. It left me ashamed, silenced, and disbelieved by upper management. I loved my job, but I had to choose my mental health over staying in a toxic situation. Too often, victims of workplace bullying are told they are “too sensitive” or that “it’s just the way things are.” This dismisses real harm. No one should have to accommodate a bully. Like my children, I leaned on my family for support. My husband wanted to step in, just as I wanted to step in for my kids. Even as an adult, my mom wanted to call the CEO on my behalf. That instinct to protect runs deep, and so does the need for kindness.7 Simple Ways for Teaching Kindness to Kids Every Day
The best way to start teaching kindness to kids is by modeling it. When we act with empathy, children learn to do the same. Here are seven simple practices:
- Hold the door for a stranger.
- Let someone cut in line at the store.
- Show courtesy while driving, even to the person who merges last minute.
- Pay for the order behind you at a drive-thru.
- Use “please” and “thank you” often.
- Ask cashiers or clerks how their day is going.
- Slow down, put distractions aside, and be present.
Schools can also support children through Social Emotional Learning (SEL). SEL helps students develop tools to manage conflict, stand up to bullying, and practice empathy. It benefits both the victim and the child displaying bullying behavior.
Through SEL, kids can learn how to:
- Handle disagreements in healthy ways.
- Intervene when they witness bullying.
- Give and accept apologies.
- Navigate peer pressure.
- Recognize the importance of empathy.
As parents, one of the toughest lessons is knowing when to step in and when to let kids handle things themselves. But showing kindness, even to unkind people, is a skill that will carry them through life. Sometimes, the people who seem to deserve kindness the least may need it the most.